Jctownsley.com

Another beautiful night outside. Perhaps the most beneficial part of owning dogs in the city is being forced to take them for walks. Early in the morning as the geese and beavers are just waking up, after work as people are milling around the parks, and late at night while everyone else sleeps, these walks are quickly becoming an important part of my day.

For the last three years I have had a favorite place to walk at night. After hopping a few fences and cutting my way through the tall grass, I would arrive at a beautiful spot where the sky seemed to never end. From this vantage point I could hear the call of the ducks, the hooting of the owls, and the coyotes wrestling over their recent kill. I havent found this place from the new home yet, but Im sure finding some great spots to sit and relax…

I had an interesting phone call today regarding my post from yesterday. Incidentally, you may have noticed that comments have been closed on my last few posts. I plan on keeping it this way for now, if you want to interact or share your thoughts, feel free to get in touch.

The caller had just read my post on leaving Sauvie Island. Much to my surprise, their big worry was whether I was alright. I suppose I would have wondered the same thing reading my post as an outsider. It is not a very positive thought to reflect on whether the last seven years of your life were spent in vain. I think my reflections were misread however.

The last seven years of my life were wonderful. I met some very incredible people, positively affected people and organizations around me, and did my best to be a good person in the community. My frustration is not because I was not recognized, thrown a party, or begged to stay. My bitterness has nothing to do with the community moving on without me. In fact it has nothing to do with the folks of the community or the way I was treated.

The question that remains unanswered is why was it so easy for me to move away? After seven years in a community, why did it feel so right to just pick up my things and walk away? Its been four weeks since I left and Ive only called one person. Its been four weeks and I havent taken the twenty minutes to stop by and see how things are going. If anything, Ive taken these last few weeks to distance myself even more from the people and organizations of which I was a part. Those are the feelings that haunt me still. Why was it so easy, and perhaps even crucial, for me to get away as fast as possible?

One last reflection. I think what surprised me the most about being asked if I was okay was my opposite feelings on the obvious tone of the post. Leaving the community and starting life anew has revived me. It has been a long time since I have felt positive about the work I am doing and the interactions I am having. Perhaps my lack of openness on this blog over the last few years has made my readers question when I open up and externalize my thoughts and feelings.

I dont know if this sharing of my feelings will be a normal aspect of this blog from now on, but in my day to day interactions, things are going to change. Authenticity is the word of the month folks. Life is too short to not live true to yourself.