Jctownsley.com

An overdue update tonight on all things Josh. The few of my readers left I’m sure know what is happening in my life, but perhaps there are a few lurkers out there that have been left in the dark these past several months.

As I walked along the river this evening, dogs in tow looking for their favorite spots, the words I wished to share came from all directions. Now sitting down in front of the computer, I am at a loss to describe the events and emotions of the recent months. So forgive me as I ramble and vamp in this long winded post.

After seven and a half years on Sauvie Island, I recently made the decision to disconnect and move away from the community. It was not a decision I took lightly, but as opportunities arose to change jobs and move into a new location, it became apparent to me that it was the right choice.

I must admit that I have been hesitant to blog the past several years because of the nature of my position. Working in a government job, representing the tax payers and residents of the community, I never felt as though I was able to be honest and authentic on the web. Unfortunately, this hesitation spilled into my normal life in the community. I lived to fit in with the customs and traditions of those around me. Good people of course, but at times my core values would not be in tune with theirs. Having left those folks behind, I now realize that very few knew me for who I really was.

While I have no regrets for the last seven years, I do at times question what it was all for. Sure the experiences I had out there are great for the resume, and in my heart I know I made a difference within all the projects I got involved in, but there is still a part of me that is left feeling bittersweet. It has only been four weeks or so since I detached myself from nearly all activity in the community, but my departure has seemed to go unnoticed.

Six years ago, when I was much younger and naive to the culture of the community, I penned the following words as part of an application for the grange scholarship fund:

For I have realized that community is not a place where you park your boat or meet your neighbors. Communities do not exist in one time or place, for they are intangible. Community is built upon relationships and the power of sharing our lives together. I am part of several communities in this world, but none am I as proud of, as Sauvie Island.

Beyond the majestic beauty of this place, beyond the incredible way of life we are all blessed with, I am part of this community because of the stories we tell, the moments we share, and the relationships we build.

I place no fault with the people of the community for my dissatisfaction for the last seven years; I was blessed to meet many good and honorable people in my time there. However, I remain perplexed and confused on why I feel so frustrated by the way things have transpired.

I may never fully understand why my story has unfolded the way it has. I’ve learned enough over the years to know that understanding the story isn’t as important as simply recognizing it as your story.

I feel blessed to have ended up where I am now. New places and pictures, new responsibilities and activities, new faces and friends. I have yet to decide where this blog, if at all, will fit in to the daily fold. For now I’m simply catching my breath, remembering the things I love to do, catching up with old and new friends, and enjoying the moment. As time and desire allows, I’ll try to bring you all along the journey.

I’ll finish tonight with words from the last time I lived on the water. I’ve returned to the river after many years; these experiences continue to rejuvenate me.

And so I return home, to the banks of the river, where nature and humanity exist in agreement. We all share this place, this sacred area, as family, as creatures put in this world solely looking for peace and happiness. Life moves much slower here, trying to cherish each and every moment, as though it is the last. The endless sky, the rose petals floating down the river, the majestic eagles, the morning fog, the cries of the heron, the shadows of the moon across my bow: living here, I am already in heaven.